Steps to improve your marriage, need, relationship, one - Life ...

Most of us go through seasons in our intimate relationships in which we feel stuck. We may feel a desire to improve our relationship, to make changes and move forward. And, as much as we recognize the need for change and have the desire to improve, sometimes things just do not seem to go anywhere. It feels as if we are spinning our wheels without moving in any direction. Exhaustion and frustration set in and our view of the relationship becomes blurred.

At this point, some people begin to feel helpless and hopeless about their marriage and sometimes begin to consider the possibility of giving up. How can we get out of this seemingly hopeless situation? How can we start getting some positive results? Here are steps we can take to start moving forward.

Initiative

Rise up! One of the most common mistakes we make in our intimate relationships is we keep waiting for the other person to do something about it. If we were both a little less selfish and practiced the Golden Rule, the picture of our marriage would look much brighter. According to psychology professor Rowland Miller, most of us tend to get comfortable with our partners and we ?usually stop trying so hard to be consistently charming.? We need to make a conscious and consistent effort to meet the needs of our spouse and stop keeping tabs; just do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Take responsibility

This matter is in your hands! Every relationship is different. Roles and responsibilities are usually split according to each partner's beliefs, culture, values and skills. We must each take responsibility to carry out the functions one is called to do. For example, by nature men have a tendency to be the protectors and women tend to be the nurturers. Rather than spending our time and energy blaming our partners for what they are not doing, one can take responsibility and use their gifts to protect and nurture their love, marriage and family.

Interdependence

Support each other! Research shows that committed couples are willing to sacrifice their own self-interests for the good of the relationship. They do not think of their relationship as ?him? and ?her,? instead they think of their relationship as ?us.? We need to hold each other up. When one falls down, the other one should be there to lift him or her up. And if one wins, we both win.

Courage

Take courage! We need to be courageous to fight for our marriage. I teach a class on close relationships at Arizona Western College and I constantly tell my students, ?Every good relationship requires hard work.? It has become a motto in our class. We need courage to work hard, to give, to listen and to communicate well. This requires effort and sacrifice. We are a generation that has become accustomed to immediate gratification and disposable goods ? we have microwaves, overnight delivery, information at the palms of our hands and many products that we can use once and discard. But when it comes to good relationships, there is no such thing as immediate gratification. And nothing about relationships is disposable. By sowing time and patience, we will reap love and understanding. This process takes time, requires courage and a willingness to work hard and wait. When we reap the fruits of our labor, we find out it is well worth it!

Action

Do it! We must take action; good intentions are not enough when it comes to relationships. We need to take the first step. We need to open up the channels of communication with our partners. It is important to have a heart-to-heart and recognize the areas in which we need to grow. Let's be responsible and take the initiative to commit ourselves to our relationship and with our spouses. It is OK to pause for a moment to gather our thoughts. Then we must communicate them constructively by mutually sharing our plan of action. And then do it!

Dubia Zaragoza is an associate faculty in the Business and Liberal Arts Division at Arizona Western College. She can be reached at dubia.zaragoza@azwestern.edu.

Source: http://www.yumasun.com/articles/need-77615-relationship-one.html

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